So, this summer of 2023 has started out really weird. Going into it I felt a lot of frustration. The teenager’s attitudes had been wild. I said “that’s it, they need things to do this summer”. So I made a chore chart for each of the kids rooms titled “Daily Room Chores” and they were all customized with graphics and colors that we felt suited them and each had their name on the top.
I had my husband present the charts to his kids, along with a family household chore chart. The household chore rules were simple – do the chores under the daily, weekly, and bi-weekly sections or don’t – we didn’t care. I presented the charts to my kiddo (7) when she retuned from her dads that Wednesday. In hindsight I’m sure the older kids knew who made the friggin charts. There’s no way my husband would be playing with graphics like that, but anyhow, we thought it might go over better if we presented them to our own respective kiddos.
The household chore rules were so simple because we explained that no matter what, the things needed to be done. So, they could help or not, but if things were not done then we couldn’t do the other fun things on our list for summer (and they’d lose their electronics for that evening – this is clutch mamas).
The charts had the opposite effect on the kids I expected. I expected some pushback, at least initially, especially from the 13 year old girl. However it appears it’s been exactly what she’s needed. The 15 year old boy on the other hand? He’s going to have to feel the pain of the loss of electronics I think to really feel the pain – honestly I’m not even sure that will work, but we’ll see.
The 7 year old initially was super excited, but that wore off really quick. I’m going to have to implement a few other tricks to get her consistently on board, but she DID say to her step-sister yesterday she wanted to help more around the house – so there’s that.
The other thing the girls (7 and 13) are doing this summer (15 year old didn’t want to participate – see above), is a summer reading program through the library. Again, the 13 year old has been THRIVING. She’s read over 900 minutes in 3 weeks. For a kid who has routinely disliked reading, this is amazing. There’s prizes involved that include gift cards for teens, and I’ve dangled a few other carrots along the way. We went to the bookstore last weekend and she loved it. Seeing her start to pick out her own style (including a two piece bathing suit – more on that later – dad is doing fine) to include the books she reads has been really amazing.
If you want a copy of the chart, you can grab it here. Family Chart.
If you'd like the room charts, I was silly and didn't save each one individually on my Canva, but I can send them to you. Just comment "room chores", and I'll send it to you!
Don’t get it twisted, I’m not saying the person you’re dealing with is toxic or “bad”. I’m saying that the relationship between you is simply not good for either of you anymore. This could be friends, family, or more extreme, a significant other.
1. You feel stuck with this person.
That’s to say that if you met this person today, you wouldn’t chose this person to be a part of your life. You may feel like “well, they’ve been around so long, that I’m just stuck with them.” That is just something that we tell ourselves so we don’t have to deal with the problem.
2. You’re constantly walking on eggshells around this person.
You should be able to speak your mind around your people. They should understand, if they truly know you and your heart that you telling the truth is not a judgement. You can speak your mind without fear of being taken the wrong way, with misplaced implied intentions. The people closest to you, that truly know you the best, always come from love. So if you’re finding yourself filtering your words so not to anger them, the relationship might be toxic. That’s not how healthy relationships work. They involve saying the hard things, too.
3. They are constantly dragging you down.
You’re in a good mood – until you speak to them. All the time. It’s a constant. I’m not talking about this person going through a bad time. We make exception and sit with them in those times. It’s when it’s ALWAYS something. Constant drama, constantly being offended, maybe they’ve constantly talked shit behind your back to friends and family but never to your face…but let’s be honest, you still know. You hear about it.
We all go through hard times. That’s a fact of life and something that makes us human and brings us together, links us through our own humanity. If someone in your life is constantly doing the things mentioned or making you feel like the above though, that is something completely different. It may be time to wish the relationship well, thank it for serving the purpose it has in your life and moving on. Never wish harm on that person. They are good just as you are good. It’s just that this chapter is done. Be proud of the role the person played in your story and wish for them the very best, as they will hopefully do for you.
If you've read this far, and you're a mom wanting more, jump in my free group, Exhausted to Energized moms. There's a free, 3-day mindset challenge in there to get you started.
If you're simply looking for more things to read, check out my mommy mindset reading guide, for a list of my favorite books around mindset, relationships, and well - life!
Stay inspired, and when you aren't, please know that you're not alone.
All the love,
Bryn J
