Wow. Even as I write these words I can barely believe it’s already the end of 2021. If you had told me at the beginning of the year that my life would take the turns and changes it did this year, I would have laughed, and quite frankly, probably told you to fuck off.
Nature and being outside is something that keeps me grounded, and yet at the same time – free. It’s my reminder of what burns inside of me. This year was a lot like nature. Unpredictable.
And just like that the dog trainer is here unexpectedly.
OK, back to nature. Or writing. Or what were we talking about again? You see, it’s been a couple days since I typed that last paragraph. Days filled with kids events, kid tantrums, and well – mommy tantrums.
But here I am. Back where I can relax through getting these words on paper. Maybe you’ll read them and laugh. Maybe you’ll cry. Maybe you’ll find something helpful, maybe you’ll think I’m nuts. Hell, maybe you won’t be reading these words at all – that’s ok. This is for me.
I started this little blog for me, and it will always remain so, with the hope that maybe it will reach someone who is feeling alone and they’ll think “YES! Same, girl same!”. I’m not too eccentric to think I can be the only one feeling all the things I do in a day.
Anyway, grounding. Grounded. Don’t confuse the feeling I describe as grounded with being shackled. More like a free confidence. The things I do to stay feeling a little less crazy throughout the day filled with kids schedules and teenage attitudes. Like standing outside on that first warm spring day and just lifting your face toward the sun. Maybe that first spring day feels so good from a lack of vitamin D, or maybe it’s something else. Either way, it’s incredibly freeing for me to be outside and in nature. It’s a reminder of the freedom I have, and, at the same time, the vastness of the world. How, I am so small in the grand scheme of the universe, ye like a drop in a pool of water, even my small and seemingly insignificant existence will have such a ripple effect. Tiny ripples with my every action.
As I reflect on the last year I think a lot about all of these ripple effects. From myself and from others. Some ripples hit each other, and they just stop. Some intersect awkwardly and the ripples get a little random and don’t make a lot of sense for a while. This last example could describe the last year for me. For our family.
I’ll share more later, but for now, I’ll simply contemplate what this last year has meant.
I know what it was. It was HARD. Very hard.
The bigger question is “what has it taught me?” It’s taught me to be kind. It’s taught me that things are not always as they seem. It’s taught me that some people just want to be right. Most importantly, it’s reminded me of what matters the most. So, into 2022, I’m bringing what matters, and leaving the rest behind. One thing at a time.
My word for this year – balance. I will seek balance in all that I do. All that I am.
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