2020, blended family, mom life, family, kids
What has Changed in the Last Year?
Especially in 2020, this is a very loaded question, as a lot has changed for so many of us. It has definitely been a year that has required everyone to pivot, to recognize what is truly important, and it has brought out the best in some, and the worst in others.

The people that have had to adjust the most, are the ones that are thankfully the most resilient – the kids. I honestly think we will never be the same again, and I’m honestly not mad about that. Not at all, actually. I’m kind of glad that our perspectives have shifted.

At the beginning of all of this I certainly wasn’t feeling that way. I still have moments of stress, but I honestly wasn’t sure how we’d get through virtual learning while we adults worked form home side by side. But we did. We freaking did!

It wasn’t always pretty, either.

I’ve had to learn how to survive without seeing my siblings and parents besides the zoom or FaceTime call. I have a nephew who is growing like a weed and I feel like I’m missing it all.

Doors have been shut, and new ones have opened. Why? Because I was AWAKE. I was so awake this year. Awake to all that was around me. Awake to the people around me. Awake in a world that could easily make me cold and angry, and at times, it did.

Overall, 2020 has been a year of personal growth and transformation. Not only for myself but for our family. Kevin and I got engaged and started making plans for our future despite so many cancelled plans in 2020.

Our family of 5 has continued to learn how to live along side each other. We had a conversation just last night on what we had expected blending our families to be like. We both had totally opposite expectations – he, taking on the ever-optimistic role, and me the “worst case scenario” role. We were both wrong. I guess that is how all of life is, isn’t it? It’s never what we expect, but always what we need in order to help us grow, if we look for that opportunity.

I can’t help but think that somehow the five of us being together in our 1200 sq. ft. home helped us face some of those battles head on – or at least forced us to.

I could look at what we gave up in 2020, but what we gained is so much more. I look to 2021 for continued transformation in a heart of service to others. And while I have some huge goals for 2021, I know the biggest work to be done will be within the walls of my own home and in the hearts of those within it.



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2020, blended family, mom life, family, kids

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Meet Bryn

 
Constantly busy. Constantly there for others and doing what I thought (real or assumed) as expected of me.

In February of 2009 my life changed forever. Actually, it started years prior- 2003 maybe, with my mom’s original diagnosis. On that February day and the days that followed I found myself questioning everything. “Should I stay in school? Are my younger siblings doing ok? My dad CANNOT take care of himself. Should I go home to make sure they’re all alright?” Those are just a fraction of the things I asked myself.

Anger. I also remember feeling so angry. “How could she? Why us? Why me? Why now, when I’m about to graduate college, my sister is about to graduate high school and my brother just starting high school?” Don’t even get me started on my sister’s graduation party and the anxiety over making it as perfect as possible for her despite the huge sadness that accompanied it all.

One day I’ll be gone. I don’t know when or how – none of us do. Something random could take me out tomorrow (not morbid it’s just life). I do know this – I will do whatever I can to delay that truth. I will do whatever I can in the here and now to make my kids a little more prepared.

People always preach “self-care”. I do at times, too. For me it comes from a deep ache. It comes from a place I don’t want anyone else to find themselves in.

It took a lot of grief, lessons in patience, a marriage, a divorce, another marriage and navigating mothering through it all, now with step-kids under my wings also. Step-kids that are adopted to their parents and have undergone more hurt than they deserve. Step-kids that have taught me so much about love and hurt.

Love and hurt. We can’t have one without the other, can we? I found myself lost. I was completely lost in motherhood that I began neglecting my own needs and the needs of my first marriage – hence why there was a second one (I didn’t say this was a pretty story – just a real one).

Now I’m slowly rebuilding my world while focusing on my health – all my health – mental and physical. Equally important.

My journey is far from over, but I've chose to share my journey both as a recounting and remembering for me, but more importantly, so maybe it will save someone else a bit of pain in their own journey – or at least let you know you’re not alone.

If you’ve read this far, welcome. Also, thank you. I’m happy to have you in this space with me.

The best part, is that I know this is only the beginning.


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