So, this summer of 2023 has started out really weird. Going into it I felt a lot of frustration. The teenager’s attitudes had been wild. I said “that’s it, they need things to do this summer”. So I made a chore chart for each of the kids rooms titled “Daily Room Chores” and they were all customized with graphics and colors that we felt suited them and each had their name on the top.
I had my husband present the charts to his kids, along with a family household chore chart. The household chore rules were simple – do the chores under the daily, weekly, and bi-weekly sections or don’t – we didn’t care. I presented the charts to my kiddo (7) when she retuned from her dads that Wednesday. In hindsight I’m sure the older kids knew who made the friggin charts. There’s no way my husband would be playing with graphics like that, but anyhow, we thought it might go over better if we presented them to our own respective kiddos.
The household chore rules were so simple because we explained that no matter what, the things needed to be done. So, they could help or not, but if things were not done then we couldn’t do the other fun things on our list for summer (and they’d lose their electronics for that evening – this is clutch mamas).
The charts had the opposite effect on the kids I expected. I expected some pushback, at least initially, especially from the 13 year old girl. However it appears it’s been exactly what she’s needed. The 15 year old boy on the other hand? He’s going to have to feel the pain of the loss of electronics I think to really feel the pain – honestly I’m not even sure that will work, but we’ll see.
The 7 year old initially was super excited, but that wore off really quick. I’m going to have to implement a few other tricks to get her consistently on board, but she DID say to her step-sister yesterday she wanted to help more around the house – so there’s that.
The other thing the girls (7 and 13) are doing this summer (15 year old didn’t want to participate – see above), is a summer reading program through the library. Again, the 13 year old has been THRIVING. She’s read over 900 minutes in 3 weeks. For a kid who has routinely disliked reading, this is amazing. There’s prizes involved that include gift cards for teens, and I’ve dangled a few other carrots along the way. We went to the bookstore last weekend and she loved it. Seeing her start to pick out her own style (including a two piece bathing suit – more on that later – dad is doing fine) to include the books she reads has been really amazing.
If you want a copy of the chart, you can grab it here. Family Chart.
If you'd like the room charts, I was silly and didn't save each one individually on my Canva, but I can send them to you. Just comment "room chores", and I'll send it to you!
Don’t get it twisted, I’m not saying the person you’re dealing with is toxic or “bad”. I’m saying that the relationship between you is simply not good for either of you anymore. This could be friends, family, or more extreme, a significant other.
1. You feel stuck with this person.
That’s to say that if you met this person today, you wouldn’t chose this person to be a part of your life. You may feel like “well, they’ve been around so long, that I’m just stuck with them.” That is just something that we tell ourselves so we don’t have to deal with the problem.
2. You’re constantly walking on eggshells around this person.
You should be able to speak your mind around your people. They should understand, if they truly know you and your heart that you telling the truth is not a judgement. You can speak your mind without fear of being taken the wrong way, with misplaced implied intentions. The people closest to you, that truly know you the best, always come from love. So if you’re finding yourself filtering your words so not to anger them, the relationship might be toxic. That’s not how healthy relationships work. They involve saying the hard things, too.
3. They are constantly dragging you down.
You’re in a good mood – until you speak to them. All the time. It’s a constant. I’m not talking about this person going through a bad time. We make exception and sit with them in those times. It’s when it’s ALWAYS something. Constant drama, constantly being offended, maybe they’ve constantly talked shit behind your back to friends and family but never to your face…but let’s be honest, you still know. You hear about it.
We all go through hard times. That’s a fact of life and something that makes us human and brings us together, links us through our own humanity. If someone in your life is constantly doing the things mentioned or making you feel like the above though, that is something completely different. It may be time to wish the relationship well, thank it for serving the purpose it has in your life and moving on. Never wish harm on that person. They are good just as you are good. It’s just that this chapter is done. Be proud of the role the person played in your story and wish for them the very best, as they will hopefully do for you.
If you've read this far, and you're a mom wanting more, jump in my free group, Exhausted to Energized moms. There's a free, 3-day mindset challenge in there to get you started.
If you're simply looking for more things to read, check out my mommy mindset reading guide, for a list of my favorite books around mindset, relationships, and well - life!
Stay inspired, and when you aren't, please know that you're not alone.
All the love,
Bryn J
First things first...
Some of these links are affiliate links, which means when you click on them, I may receive a small commission when you purchase the product! How cool is that? You get the product and also support my business, which then allows me to keep bringing you more free content (and maybe a little wine money too). I ONLY RECOMMEND products that I have personally used and love. Thank you so much for your support!
Some of these links are affiliate links, which means when you click on them, I may receive a small commission when you purchase the product! How cool is that? You get the product and also support my business, which then allows me to keep bringing you more free content (and maybe a little wine money too). I ONLY RECOMMEND products that I have personally used and love. Thank you so much for your support!
Everyone looks at these beautiful pictures and ideals of perfectly curated homes and all the stay at home, cozy, homesteading vibes. How can you get that feel when you simply don’t have time?
Speaking of time, you can skip to the recipe here.
Look, this isn’t a knock at SAHM’s. It’s a hard job. So is being a working mom and still having these healthy, always present expectations that we place upon ourselves because that is what society shows us.
Anyway, we jut had a great rainstorm last night and it’s October 1st as I write this, with my chicken stock simmering on my gas stovetop. I’ve got ALL the fall vibes up in here today. Also, I like to maximize my time because I’m a mom! I don’t have extra hours; I have to get things in where we can fit them in.
Here is my simple and time saving chicken stock recipe.
First to clarify, stock is made from bones and simmered for longer.
Ok, now that that’s out of the way, my first time saving step is this: skip roasting the chicken. Unless you’d already planned on meal prep or happen to roast a chicken last night for dinner, skip it. Go grab a rotisserie chicken from the grocery store. I’m serious!
Next, take the meat off the bones. As much as you can muster or have the patience for. Use it for dinner the night before you make your stock, or make chicken salad for the week, or save it for chicken soup later (that’s what I’ll be doing today).
Then add all of the bones unto a large stock pot. I cant emphasize LARGE stockpot enough. You don’t need anything fancy. If you don’t already have one, try this one from amazon.
Next, add unpeeled carrots cut maybe in half. You just want them to fit. Add celery cut the same way, LEAVES INCLUDED. Seriously, it adds more flavor.
Add crushed garlic, an onion cut in quarters, and whatever fresh or dried spices you prefer. Fresh spices if you have them will add more flavor but this is about ease and saving time right? I used Italian seasoning in this last batch (basil, oregano, rosemary, marjoram, thyme, and sage). I also added 2 bay leaves, peppercorns, garlic powder (yes even with the fresh garlic), add some salt. If you rather add salt to your dishes you make with the stock later you can add less salt or no salt. It depends on your preference and dietary needs.
Add water to cover everything and bring it to a boil. Once boiling, reduce to a simmer and allow to simmer for 2 hours or more. The bones should get soft and turn rather gelatinous. When it’s done, strain the stock through a colander and into a container large enough to hold the liquid. I like the large pyrex measuring cups for this.
Allow the stock to cool. Skim off any fat that comes to the top and discard. Then use as needed.
You can store this in the refrigerator for 4-5 days. If I have extra, I put a cup or 2 into zip lock bags, and lay them flat in my freezer to freeze. I do this especially with turkey stock after thanksgiving and then I’m good to go with soup stocks to use all winter long!
Easy Chicken Stock Recipie:
Prep time: 15 minutes
Total time: 3 hours
Ingredients:
- Chicken bones from rotisserie chicken or roasted chicken
- A few stalks of celery (5 or so will do, with leaves)
-4-5 carrots, unpeeled, halved
-1 onion, quartered
-2 bay leaves
-1Tbsp whole peppercorns
- Salt (how much is entirely up to you)
-Fresh garlic (I used 4 cloves)
-Fresh or dried spices. I prefer garlic powder, thyme, rosemary, basil, oregano, and sage. But use what you like!
Directions:
- Add chicken bones to large stock pot
- Add Fresh veggies to stock pot
-Cover with water
-Add fresh and/or dried spices to stock pot
-Bring to a boil
-Reduce to a simmer and cover loosely with lid
-Simmer for at least 2 hours or until bones are gelatinous and stock is a golden yellow color
-Strain off bones and veggies while keeping the stock
-Allow to cool and remove fat from the top with a spoon
-Use in soup immediately or store for future use 4-5 days in refrigerator or freeze
I hope you stay warm and cozy this fall and winter and I hope this recipe helps save you some time while also giving you all the cozy homemade warmth you're craving!
Of course nobody is perfect. When I say this as a stepparent, I’ve noticed that many people have a much different reaction than when I say it about my biological (legal?) child. I have a hard time with “bio” versus “step" as well because well, my step kids are also adoptees.
Step-parents of adopted children have virtually no support, but that brings me to another topic entirely, so I’ll digress on those specifics for now.
Anyway, back to our kids not being perfect. The truth is, I spend as much time with my step-kids as I do my biological child. The truth is, I spend as much time with my step-kids as their mother or father does. The truth is, I’m still not my step-kid’s mom. The truth is, I’m not trying to be. I am a parent in their lives, just as my ex-husband’s girlfriend is in my biological daughter’s life. I’m expected to love them, help them, guide them, be there for them - but be annoyed by them or admit they aren’t perfect? Oh no. Not that.
Luckily my husband disagrees with that sentiment. I’ve caught myself multiple times having conversations with people and when it involves the step kids, their reaction has been much different than if I had said the same thing about my biological child.
“You signed up for this”, they’ve told me. Did I? Did I sign up for this? Did I know what I was truly getting myself into? Does any mother, before they’re a mom, truly know what they’re getting themselves into? Heck no! We are all out here winging it, doing our best. Being a stepparent is no different, except for the additional criticism that comes with it.
So your friend, the one loving her babies, loving someone else’s babies. The next time she needs to vent, just listen. This shit is hard and rewarding and brutal and lovely, all at the same time. She is expected to love the kids that aren’t hers, as if they are hers, until a big event comes up. Then she is expected to take the back seat. It’s an impossible standard to live up to, and we are all just doing the best we can.
So often as parents we get hung-up on things that don’t really matter. No, I don’t mean we should be like “but did they die?”. That would be fucked up and irresponsible. However, there are some things I’ve been hearing that are just insane. The first is this idea that moms need to be martyrs and be all sunshiny and drooling over their kids all the time. Yes, they will always be that beautiful little baby in your eyes mama, but no, they are not perfect. Of course, I can love my kids while also knowing that they aren’t perfect.
Today my stepdaughter couldn’t come up with a damn thing that would motivate her to clean her room when our therapist asked her the question. The truth is, I knew when he asked the question that if she was honest, she couldn’t think of anything. Not because she is bad, not because she wants to be defiant (well sometimes maybe), but because she honestly doesn’t care about a mess. That is her. It annoys the crap out of us, just like I annoyed the crap out of my mother. Also, she tends to tell some lies in order to attempt to please others or keep herself out of perceived trouble, so I was simply proud of her that she told the truth. I should let her know that tomorrow.
As a result, the therapist asked her who, of her father and I, was better at cleaning. She said her dad was better at cleaning, but I was better at organizing. I think that is because her dad will pick up after dinner, after himself, after the kids, but I tend to be the one to deep clean and make things pretty – or at least warm, welcoming, and cozy. That is important to me. It’s a whole vibe that I wish for our family.
Anyway, after this first question, our therapist then asked who she would like to help her clean her room. She picked me. “Great, just fucking great”, I thought. It’s not that I have a problem cleaning, or helping her, I’ve done that more times than I can count. But to be called out as the one in therapy sat a bit different with me. I suddenly felt like the kid that didn't know the answer, called on in class. Nervous. feeling like eyes were on me. I had no right answers.
“Ten minutes every night”, he told her. He told us to set a timer, shut the door. Ten minutes, her and me. In theory I was kind of thrilled to have this time with her, even if it was cleaning her laundry explosion of a room, with tiny rubber bands strewn about on the floor. Then I thought about my daughter Charlotte, she would be home in two days, and doing anything without her glued to me, especially that first day, was always questionable. “Good”, I told myself, this will be good for Charlotte too.
Meanwhile a pit formed in my stomach. “Ugh”, I thought to myself.
So, tonight was the first night. Timer for 10 minutes. We did it. Honestly, I enjoyed it as I thought I would. We will see how the rest of the week goes. As her dad and I have told her hundreds of times, if she would just go and focus and do it, it wouldn’t take long at all. We got it about 85% done in just this first evening of cleaning together.
Our therapist also told her when we were done to thank me for helping her and for my time and to give me a hug. I’m not one for making kids hug me, even if they live in my house, but a thank you would’ve been nice. Maybe next time. Maybe not. Either way, it’s not about that. It never was.
