Of course nobody is perfect. When I say this as a stepparent, I’ve noticed that many people have a much different reaction than when I say it about my biological (legal?) child. I have a hard time with “bio” versus “step" as well because well, my step kids are also adoptees.
Step-parents of adopted children have virtually no support, but that brings me to another topic entirely, so I’ll digress on those specifics for now.
Anyway, back to our kids not being perfect. The truth is, I spend as much time with my step-kids as I do my biological child. The truth is, I spend as much time with my step-kids as their mother or father does. The truth is, I’m still not my step-kid’s mom. The truth is, I’m not trying to be. I am a parent in their lives, just as my ex-husband’s girlfriend is in my biological daughter’s life. I’m expected to love them, help them, guide them, be there for them - but be annoyed by them or admit they aren’t perfect? Oh no. Not that.
Luckily my husband disagrees with that sentiment. I’ve caught myself multiple times having conversations with people and when it involves the step kids, their reaction has been much different than if I had said the same thing about my biological child.
“You signed up for this”, they’ve told me. Did I? Did I sign up for this? Did I know what I was truly getting myself into? Does any mother, before they’re a mom, truly know what they’re getting themselves into? Heck no! We are all out here winging it, doing our best. Being a stepparent is no different, except for the additional criticism that comes with it.
So your friend, the one loving her babies, loving someone else’s babies. The next time she needs to vent, just listen. This shit is hard and rewarding and brutal and lovely, all at the same time. She is expected to love the kids that aren’t hers, as if they are hers, until a big event comes up. Then she is expected to take the back seat. It’s an impossible standard to live up to, and we are all just doing the best we can.
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