5 Things to Set Boundaries During the Holidays (or anytime) with Family

Feelings of stress, rather than joy got you down? We're told "this should be a time you enjoy", but so many of us stretch ourselves so thin that we need a vacation for holiday break. I'm all for vacation, but I'd rather enjoy my holiday and then STILL take a vacation, ya know? Here are some tips and tricks and mindset flips to help you refocus, and more importantly, to remind you that you're not alone.

  1. Write Down what you actually want your holidays to look like.
    • If you have a spouse, or kids, you may consider what they want as well.
    • Ideally your household will be on the same page, but that is not always the case. Compromise where you need to, but make sure your needs for your mental load are being met
  2. Let people know what your plans are.
    • If you expect conflict, keep it business-like
    • Be firm
    • Explain that while you would love to see everyone that it is just not practical to run yourself ragged. Make a plan for another time to get together with those you might not see.
    • If you have kids, explain that holidays are already a tiring time for the kids and that you’re trying to maintain their mental health as well as your own.
  3. Expect challenges.
    • When setting a new boundary, those that have taken advantage of your lack of boundaries in the past, may not react well. Be prepared. If they truly care they will eventually understand that it’s the best decision for you and your family
  4. Keep the focus on what matters.
    1. The whole reason you’re setting boundaries is so you and your family can enjoy a fun, stress-free, holiday.
      • One without conflict
      • One without needing a vacation after the holiday
      • One that focus on the true spirit of the season
  5. Enjoy it!
    • Enjoy your holiday season, without the stress.
    • Will you miss out on some things, probably. But if you can’t enjoy those things because you’re being rushed, tired, and just overextending yourself, then is it really worth it?
    • Every time we choose to overextend ourselves, we are saying that we matter last. At the end of the day, YOU are all you have and YOU need to last as long as possible on this earth because there are other people that need you. They’ll be ok if you miss a function or say no once in a while. They won’t be ok if you sacrifice your health in the long run.

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