Boundaries, holidays, stress, less stress, holiday stress, blended, blended family, family holidays, step family holiday, holiday, blended holiday
5 Things to Set Boundaries During the Holidays (or anytime) with Family

Feelings of stress, rather than joy got you down? We're told "this should be a time you enjoy", but so many of us stretch ourselves so thin that we need a vacation for holiday break. I'm all for vacation, but I'd rather enjoy my holiday and then STILL take a vacation, ya know? Here are some tips and tricks and mindset flips to help you refocus, and more importantly, to remind you that you're not alone.

  1. Write Down what you actually want your holidays to look like.
    • If you have a spouse, or kids, you may consider what they want as well.
    • Ideally your household will be on the same page, but that is not always the case. Compromise where you need to, but make sure your needs for your mental load are being met
  2. Let people know what your plans are.
    • If you expect conflict, keep it business-like
    • Be firm
    • Explain that while you would love to see everyone that it is just not practical to run yourself ragged. Make a plan for another time to get together with those you might not see.
    • If you have kids, explain that holidays are already a tiring time for the kids and that you’re trying to maintain their mental health as well as your own.
  3. Expect challenges.
    • When setting a new boundary, those that have taken advantage of your lack of boundaries in the past, may not react well. Be prepared. If they truly care they will eventually understand that it’s the best decision for you and your family
  4. Keep the focus on what matters.
    1. The whole reason you’re setting boundaries is so you and your family can enjoy a fun, stress-free, holiday.
      • One without conflict
      • One without needing a vacation after the holiday
      • One that focus on the true spirit of the season
  5. Enjoy it!
    • Enjoy your holiday season, without the stress.
    • Will you miss out on some things, probably. But if you can’t enjoy those things because you’re being rushed, tired, and just overextending yourself, then is it really worth it?
    • Every time we choose to overextend ourselves, we are saying that we matter last. At the end of the day, YOU are all you have and YOU need to last as long as possible on this earth because there are other people that need you. They’ll be ok if you miss a function or say no once in a while. They won’t be ok if you sacrifice your health in the long run.
Boundaries, holidays, stress, less stress, holiday stress, blended, blended family, family holidays, step family holiday, holiday, blended holiday

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Meet Bryn

 
Constantly busy. Constantly there for others and doing what I thought (real or assumed) as expected of me.

In February of 2009 my life changed forever. Actually, it started years prior- 2003 maybe, with my mom’s original diagnosis. On that February day and the days that followed I found myself questioning everything. “Should I stay in school? Are my younger siblings doing ok? My dad CANNOT take care of himself. Should I go home to make sure they’re all alright?” Those are just a fraction of the things I asked myself.

Anger. I also remember feeling so angry. “How could she? Why us? Why me? Why now, when I’m about to graduate college, my sister is about to graduate high school and my brother just starting high school?” Don’t even get me started on my sister’s graduation party and the anxiety over making it as perfect as possible for her despite the huge sadness that accompanied it all.

One day I’ll be gone. I don’t know when or how – none of us do. Something random could take me out tomorrow (not morbid it’s just life). I do know this – I will do whatever I can to delay that truth. I will do whatever I can in the here and now to make my kids a little more prepared.

People always preach “self-care”. I do at times, too. For me it comes from a deep ache. It comes from a place I don’t want anyone else to find themselves in.

It took a lot of grief, lessons in patience, a marriage, a divorce, another marriage and navigating mothering through it all, now with step-kids under my wings also. Step-kids that are adopted to their parents and have undergone more hurt than they deserve. Step-kids that have taught me so much about love and hurt.

Love and hurt. We can’t have one without the other, can we? I found myself lost. I was completely lost in motherhood that I began neglecting my own needs and the needs of my first marriage – hence why there was a second one (I didn’t say this was a pretty story – just a real one).

Now I’m slowly rebuilding my world while focusing on my health – all my health – mental and physical. Equally important.

My journey is far from over, but I've chose to share my journey both as a recounting and remembering for me, but more importantly, so maybe it will save someone else a bit of pain in their own journey – or at least let you know you’re not alone.

If you’ve read this far, welcome. Also, thank you. I’m happy to have you in this space with me.

The best part, is that I know this is only the beginning.


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